So I got a phone call on Saturday the 20th about a job interview. So I scheduled it thinking I would have given my PO plenty of time to put the window in for the scheduled day and time. Well come Monday, I still have not heard from my PO confirming the date and time of this window for the interview. So I call back, mind you all I ever get is an answering machine asking me to leave a voice mail. Typically, she gives me a call back and confirms windows that I need. Like I said yesterday I got no call back, even after calling her back asking her to call me to confirm the window. So this morning like a damn fool, I had to call the place who I scheduled an interview for and let them know that I could not make it. I told them something happened with my car and I had to take it in the shop. While that is in part true....we think the heat pan needs tightened because it is making an awful noise like no other; the other part of having to take it in the shop today was not. We are trying to get it in the shop but of course the oh my guy is good give him a call scenario is getting exhausted and old for that matter. Back to the interview, it is hard enough for a convicted felon to get an interview that I really don't need to have to call and reschedule because my PO didn't call and confirm that window with me. Now some would say just go, there is a voicemail that says you called and gave plenty of notice of needing that window, you won't get into trouble. That may seem all fine and dandy but when you are paranoid as F to begin with you don't need the added stress of "Are cops going to show up because a window was not put in for me?," "Is she going to be at my house when I get back waiting to cuff me?" you get the point. The fact of the matter, though yes, I need a job with more income, it is not worth jumping to the interview without confirmation of a window having been put in for me.  If I break house arrest, I go to jail for 3 years. So I have to think longer term rather than instant satisfaction right now. I suppose waiting 9 months to find something on the books that pays better is a small price to pay for my freedom.  By the way, the company never called to reschedule and that blows. To top it off my wife is still on a PRN status at work and has to find her own hours and everything that was open shift wise has been awarded up until 9-10. So that makes for 2 very small pay checks and rough times because we have nothing left for bills. So this SUCKS especially not getting calls for shifts that people call off for right now. Things are getting tighter and the feeling of not being able to breathe is just becoming too much.

Still fighting with KIA to get the car paid off, which they are very lucky I am not the one they are talking to because she is one heck of a lot nicer than I am, especially when I am frustrated to the max with a situation. I am hoping that the fight will be done with them soon and we can hurry up and move on.

I sat down to pay bills today and the rent money that we had set aside for my fine, being I am cleaning for the landlords in exchange for free rent, well, that is going to have to go to fixing the car as well as other bills now that my wife will be getting next to nothing for the next two pay checks. Sometimes I ask myself, when is it our turn for an easier ride? When does our hard work pay off and we get a few breaks thrown our way? And then I remind myself that we are incredibly lucky to have what we do and very blessed to have been able to pay our bills thus far and that the Lord has not forgotten about us and is holding us up and guiding us to where he needs us to be. Where we are needed to do his work.  I know he will be with us in terms of the car getting fixed. I know he is with us everyday and I know when I gave up on my faith before, things were a hell of a lot harder and I non stop felt like I was in the state of drowning and helpless. So during my times of  being impatient
and wanting instant gratification I just need to calm myself and remind myself all things work in God's hands and he gave us mountains so we could learn how to climb.

I sit here and look at the money my wife has forgotten to put in the bank the past two days and I am reminded of how much I actually liked running errands even though I may have bitched about it from time to time, I enjoyed running them. I know she is busy and that is why I don't complain when she forgets to run the errand and I am so incredibly grateful for all that she does. I just set the bank slip and money near where she sits to eat and just remind her to do it tmw. It is hard when we have one car, she either has to drop me off at work or I take the car.  If i take the car, then she can't run errands.  It's a give and take that I have to remind myself of. I hate not having my car, but I know my wife hates not having hers even more. I know she hates having to rely on my car and work shifts around sharing the car. Yep, it sucks. But we are making the best of it and that's all we can do.  I know that the Lord is with us, and will continue to be with us. This is my time to learn patience. That much I know.