Okay, so I have finally gotten an answer to this "one schedule" ordeal on house arrest. Lets say that I have work from 9-5 and I have a Dr. appointment at 10am. If I go to work, I cannot go to my Dr. appointment and vice versa. Explain that to me. Yes, I understand that I am serving a punishment and yes I understand that the rules of life are never fair, but lets be realistic for a friggin minute. Plenty of Americans take off work for a couple hours for a Dr. appointment or go into work/leave work early to go to appointments. So basically if I am to work on Monday, I cannot go to a Dr appointment. I can only do ONE thing per day. How incredibly ridiculous is that. Again, I get that I am serving a punishment, however lets go back to the argument that my PO continues to use. "If you were in jail you would not be able to do this." I know for a fact that if I were in jail and on a work schedule that I would still be able to attend visits from family, get haircuts, be seen by medical, have yard time etc. I truly believe that the house arrest program needs tweaked. I have learned that there are what is called risk levels: high, medium, low. Once your risk level is determined you are entered into a category of how often the PO needs to visit your house, search your house, require you to give urine samples upon visits, restrict your access to the outside world and so forth. Let us again use the example of prison or jail. If you are a low risk, you spend your days in what is called general population and depending on the layout of the jail, you are more or less in a large open area with bunk beds surrounding you and you roam free during the day. Now, if you are declared a high risk or lets say level 6 you more than likely, again depending on the jail and their tier level, are going to be in a cell the majority of the day, have one hour of rec a day, 3 showers a week (which is the mandatory min. the facility has to offer), and make phone calls from your room on a given cordless. See, low risks or general population have more privileges than the high risks cases. Therefore, why is it not like that for house arrest? Yes, those anti-house arrest persons may say well because you already have more freedom than you should and so on. Depending on how you look at it or the crime that was committed, I could see why you would feel that way. However, if in in a facility the low risks are given more privileges than the high ones, why would we not carry that out on the outside? One thing I have been getting a lot of is "well you are a criminal and this is how criminals are treated." Since when does mistreating a person become justified based on a mistake they made? Do we jump to conclusion about those who got a speeding ticket that they are terrible reckless dangerous drivers? Remember early on in this blog, I made the comment in regards to just because someone made a mistake and is considered a criminal by law does not make them a bad person?! It remains true and not just because I am one that made a mistake. But because I believe people can make irrational irresponsible careless choices in which lead to a change in their lives but does not entirely make that person a bad person. It means they made a bad choice, for whatever reason. Everyone makes mistakes, from having a few beers then getting in the car and driving home (guess what you're a criminal who didn't get caught), to forgetting to pay a bill, reading the ingredients wrong and the food not turning out to having alcohol in the house and the teenager helped themselves to (you're considered a criminal for providing alcohol to a minor even though it was not bought with that intention). But those mistakes, big, small, in between and 'I wont get caught' are all MISTAKES and you wouldn't wanting someone to judge you or call you a bad person for a poor choice you made. Give others the same respect. We all make mistakes, some get us caught by teachers, parents, friends, other family, and law enforcement. It is not our place to judge someone, it is the Lords place. We have have skeletons in our closet we don't expose to people for fear of rejection, judgement, embarrassment, or what not. Imagine if you could not hide those skeletons, how would you feel dealing with the opinions and wrath of those criticizing you and judging you based on something you are already ashamed of?!
Bottom line, just because someone makes a mistake does not mean it is right to treat them differently than one who has never made a mistake!
How am I supposed to follow probation rules of having a job and keeping that job if I am not allowed to attend work and a Dr. appointment in the same day?!!!!
Monday, November 7, 2016
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Rant
Well, I posted not long ago that I had gotten a job at Denny's to help with getting me out of the house more often especially on weekends. Well, I found out a couple of things that really pissed me off. For starters keep in mind that my PO knows I already have a job. So once I got the job at Denny's and began working I found out from my PO that she could not enter two schedules into the house arrest program on the computer. Apparently, it is only equipped to make one schedule. Now, she knew that before telling me that the PO office got a call from Denny's looking for someone to work. She knew she would not be able to enter in two different schedules therefore, why would she bother telling me that Denny's was hiring? That does not make any sense to me. Here I am trying to do good, make more money as a convicted felon which mind you is incredibly difficult to even get a job let alone a good job as a convicted felon. So if I have to have multiple jobs to make ends meet, then that is what I will do. There is nothing that I can do about it. I made a shitty choice which has led me to getting the convictions that I got. End of story there. So that being said, my PO knew I already was working, let me apply for Denny's and then weeks later tells me I can only have one work schedule in the computer system because it will not allow more than one. Why in the world would she even bother telling me about the job if she was well aware (been a PO for 20 years) that the computer allowed one schedule and that is it! So after spending money on shit for work, getting the job and working a couple shifts, I was left with really no choice but to leave for a couple reasons. One, I will not make nearly what I make cleaning, which is what is paying my hefty fine of $5,275.60, I was not getting enough hours at Denny's which means I was not getting out of the house as much as I am cleaning, that is counter active and therefore is not feasible. Additionally, being pregnant, I am having a very difficult time with energy, stamina, not feeling like I am going to toss my stomach contents at any moment all day long. At least with cleaning I am able to essentially make my own schedule. I clean when I want to so long as the buildings are done twice a month. Yes, the place I am cleaning for wrote a schedule just because it was required by my PO, however; in discussion with him, I am still able to do it when I see fit so long as they are done twice a month. Works for me. Some days are better than others. One of the other issues I am having is keeping my depression in check. Since going off my meds I have been slipping further and further into depression and frankly it has just about consumed me entirely. It is certainly no fun and the majority of my energy go between growing this baby and keeping my depression in check so I am not slipping faster than I need to be until I can get back into the Dr to see where to go from here. I simply cannot gather the energy to work every at this point and I am really hoping that will change once I hit my 2nd trimester. So after all is said and done, I am unfortunately back to sitting in the house on the weekends, which is a huge struggle for me. It hurts to be honest and is very frustrating to be alone by yourself consumed with your thoughts for so long and struggling with depression at a harder and more intense level than I have in a long time. I often have to remind myself it is okay to break down and cry and not know why I am crying. Not knowing why you are crying sometimes is a major part of depression that people do not understand at all. Even those who do not battle depression break down and cry sometimes over nothing or they say, I am just very stressed out and that is okay. There is nothing wrong with that.
Some are wondering how in the world the bills get paid if I am using my work to pay my fines. Well my wife works A LOT, always has. When we meet she was working 80 hours a week and I, 75. She continues to work 80 hours a week which is why I am at home on the weekends alone. She works 16 hours on Sat and Sun. It sucks to be alone for so long, but at the same time this is what we have to do for the time being. Once I am off house arrest, things will be so much easier. I will be able to come and go as I please without being locked down from 5pm to 8am. I will be able to run errands again, something I have not done since Aug. 4 2016. It is the small things we take for granted and most of the time don't even realize what a luxury it is. To have someone come in and tell you, that you cannot go grab everyday essentials that you need or put gas in your car, that really changes shit. Makes you feel dehumanized big time. I know once this anklet is off, I will feel so much better overall. I do however have another battle to conquer. I will have to be checking in with a new PO to get trips to Erie approved, meeting with them either weekly or monthly....I am not sure how all that works just yet but I know a lot of it is determined on your risk level. There are 3, high, moderate, and low. I cannot imagine I will be anything other than low. But we will see. I have also made a comment to my wife about the classes that I am paying for and was told by my PO that I do not have to take them. One if I do not have to take them, why am I paying for them?! Makes no sense. So, I said to my wife I bet when house arrest is over, I will be told that I am required to attend these classes now. Which is bullshit because I asked from the get go and was told that I do not have to do them. I do not trust the legal system and never did even as a child before I was ever in trouble. When you are a child and constantly telling people you are being hurt at home and hit and yet no one steps in, no cops, no CPS no noting, you have no respect or liking for law enforcement. As a child I was always dirty, non-bathed, covered in bruises, wearing non-weather appropriate clothes (sweaters or long sleeves in the summer) and told anyone I could at school or with my parents out of earshot that I am being hurt at home. I remember telling a police officer and he just walked away from me. That is why I do not like law enforcement one bit. Additionally, I cannot stand that a lot of cops feel they are above the law. We have to wear seat belts, but I can count on one hand in my 30 years of life the amount of officers I have seen wear a seat belt, we get in trouble for speeding and yet I have seen countless officers turn their lights on to pass through the red light then legit turn them off, they speed even when their lights are not on, they feel they have the right away and the list goes on and on. I simply do not like nor respect them for countless reasons. I especially hate the ones that beat the shit out of their wives behind closed doors knowing that the wife feels helpless, after all the police are supposed to protect you right? How can they when your husband is a cop and beating the shit out of you? Leaves you feeling helpless and like there is no where to turn for help. So along with my distrust of police and law enforcement in general, I am very skeptical of my PO. I document everything. Any appointments, I text to her and that way I have the written ok and she cannot go back and say she never approved something when she did. Or claim she came to check on me when she didn't; yes, I document the date and time she arrived and time she left down on paper as well. I have made appointments that she did not send an 'ok' to and was not able to attend those appointments. Part of me wonders if it is some sort of test to see if I will just go and that will give her reason to revoke my house arrest and throw me in jail, other times I just pissed off that I let her know on Monday about an appointment for Friday and then she never responds. Drives me nuts!!! If you didn't want to take time to enter shit into the computer and approve appointments, then you picked the wrong profession. Do not make me feel as though I am an inconvenience to you. I do not like having to get permission to do everyday things, attend appointments, go to work, and so on; however, you do not need to make me feel like shit even more so than I already do. If I took 5 mins to text you a request then please take 30 seconds to send ok back. That would be lovely. It lets me know that you got and approved my request. It truly does not take that long to send ok.
Some are wondering how in the world the bills get paid if I am using my work to pay my fines. Well my wife works A LOT, always has. When we meet she was working 80 hours a week and I, 75. She continues to work 80 hours a week which is why I am at home on the weekends alone. She works 16 hours on Sat and Sun. It sucks to be alone for so long, but at the same time this is what we have to do for the time being. Once I am off house arrest, things will be so much easier. I will be able to come and go as I please without being locked down from 5pm to 8am. I will be able to run errands again, something I have not done since Aug. 4 2016. It is the small things we take for granted and most of the time don't even realize what a luxury it is. To have someone come in and tell you, that you cannot go grab everyday essentials that you need or put gas in your car, that really changes shit. Makes you feel dehumanized big time. I know once this anklet is off, I will feel so much better overall. I do however have another battle to conquer. I will have to be checking in with a new PO to get trips to Erie approved, meeting with them either weekly or monthly....I am not sure how all that works just yet but I know a lot of it is determined on your risk level. There are 3, high, moderate, and low. I cannot imagine I will be anything other than low. But we will see. I have also made a comment to my wife about the classes that I am paying for and was told by my PO that I do not have to take them. One if I do not have to take them, why am I paying for them?! Makes no sense. So, I said to my wife I bet when house arrest is over, I will be told that I am required to attend these classes now. Which is bullshit because I asked from the get go and was told that I do not have to do them. I do not trust the legal system and never did even as a child before I was ever in trouble. When you are a child and constantly telling people you are being hurt at home and hit and yet no one steps in, no cops, no CPS no noting, you have no respect or liking for law enforcement. As a child I was always dirty, non-bathed, covered in bruises, wearing non-weather appropriate clothes (sweaters or long sleeves in the summer) and told anyone I could at school or with my parents out of earshot that I am being hurt at home. I remember telling a police officer and he just walked away from me. That is why I do not like law enforcement one bit. Additionally, I cannot stand that a lot of cops feel they are above the law. We have to wear seat belts, but I can count on one hand in my 30 years of life the amount of officers I have seen wear a seat belt, we get in trouble for speeding and yet I have seen countless officers turn their lights on to pass through the red light then legit turn them off, they speed even when their lights are not on, they feel they have the right away and the list goes on and on. I simply do not like nor respect them for countless reasons. I especially hate the ones that beat the shit out of their wives behind closed doors knowing that the wife feels helpless, after all the police are supposed to protect you right? How can they when your husband is a cop and beating the shit out of you? Leaves you feeling helpless and like there is no where to turn for help. So along with my distrust of police and law enforcement in general, I am very skeptical of my PO. I document everything. Any appointments, I text to her and that way I have the written ok and she cannot go back and say she never approved something when she did. Or claim she came to check on me when she didn't; yes, I document the date and time she arrived and time she left down on paper as well. I have made appointments that she did not send an 'ok' to and was not able to attend those appointments. Part of me wonders if it is some sort of test to see if I will just go and that will give her reason to revoke my house arrest and throw me in jail, other times I just pissed off that I let her know on Monday about an appointment for Friday and then she never responds. Drives me nuts!!! If you didn't want to take time to enter shit into the computer and approve appointments, then you picked the wrong profession. Do not make me feel as though I am an inconvenience to you. I do not like having to get permission to do everyday things, attend appointments, go to work, and so on; however, you do not need to make me feel like shit even more so than I already do. If I took 5 mins to text you a request then please take 30 seconds to send ok back. That would be lovely. It lets me know that you got and approved my request. It truly does not take that long to send ok.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
3 hr Test
So this morning I thought I was going to be beating the system per se. I had to go to the hospital for a 3 hour glucose test for my pregnancy being the one hour test came back as "as little high." So I schedule with the hospital to be there at 7am (being I had to fast for 7 hours). This is where I thought I was going to beat the system. I figured by going in early, I would get done early and be able to eat. One thing I have noticed since becoming pregnant is that when I am hungry, I have to eat, otherwise I end up getting very sick. Well, when I got to the outpatient check in they had not gotten the paperwork my OB office was supposed to send in. UGH!!!!! I haven't touched food since 8pm the previous night!!! I wanted a good reading so I for once, followed the directions. lol So I went out to my car being it was only 7:30am and waited till the Dr. office opened at 8am. I wanted to make the phone call in private because it is important for them to know the papers must be sent over very quickly as I am on house arrest and do not have the luxury of just waiting around and spending my day at the hospital. So I get a hold of them at 8am and explained the situation. The lady was very nice and understanding of my "window' of time in which I had scheduled for my appointment. So....I walked back in to registration again and voila, they got the papers faxed over!!!! Sweet. Now it was a matter of getting into the lab for the initial blood draw to get the 'base' glucose reading. Mind you, I just had the one hour test on Tuesday. So my arm was still sore. Once I got to base test done I had to wait an hour for the result, then drink the nasty sugar drink and have my blood drawn every hour for 3 hours. Goodness, was that down right awful. Sitting there watching the clock to make sure I am back into the lab on time otherwise the test would have to be redone, was annoying in itself. I felt terrible for my wife. She has to be into work tonight at 8pm but would not go home to sleep. She wanted to be there for me during this test. Sounds silly, however, it really made a big difference having her there. I was not as freaked out as I normally am by the needle because she held my hand! lol Pathetic, I know!!!
The other obnoxious part was having to keep my PO in the loop being I would be there past the allotted window of time. I just down right hate texting her. I don't like feeling like I am bothering her for 'stupid shit' or being annoying because the appointment did not go as planned. Luckily she answered the text messages, which is all I ask for. A simple OK to let me know you got the text is suffice. Otherwise, I have to play the guessing game and my panic starts to set in because clearly I am not trying to go to jail. I want to follow house arrest and get off. Period!!
My arms are raw and terribly sore from getting poked all day long. That is just down right terrible. On the upside, I ahve found a way to look at house arrest differently. In a more positive sense that is. I have been counting down, 'months till free' and I have instead decided to change it to 'months till delivery.' Reason being, I am getting off house arrest a week and a half before I am due to deliver this little baby. It seems to have made it a little more tolerable per se. Doesn't seem like life is just dragging behind me, I actually have something more to look forward to!!
The other obnoxious part was having to keep my PO in the loop being I would be there past the allotted window of time. I just down right hate texting her. I don't like feeling like I am bothering her for 'stupid shit' or being annoying because the appointment did not go as planned. Luckily she answered the text messages, which is all I ask for. A simple OK to let me know you got the text is suffice. Otherwise, I have to play the guessing game and my panic starts to set in because clearly I am not trying to go to jail. I want to follow house arrest and get off. Period!!
My arms are raw and terribly sore from getting poked all day long. That is just down right terrible. On the upside, I ahve found a way to look at house arrest differently. In a more positive sense that is. I have been counting down, 'months till free' and I have instead decided to change it to 'months till delivery.' Reason being, I am getting off house arrest a week and a half before I am due to deliver this little baby. It seems to have made it a little more tolerable per se. Doesn't seem like life is just dragging behind me, I actually have something more to look forward to!!
Friday, October 21, 2016
Sorry it has been so long since I last posted, there is so much that happened.
So I found out I am pregnant! Which is exciting!! My wife and I have wanted a child since before we married and it is such a blessing for this to have finally taken place! As of today, I (the carrier) am 10 weeks and 5 days along. We had our first ultrasound done as well as heard the heart beat. I have been saying since day one of finding out that I think we are having a boy!!! Which is what I want and my wife is rooting for a girl! Initially, we wanted to have two, but there is no way I can do this twice! I simply am not made to be pregnant!!!! It is not common, where I am from that is, to hear women loathing pregnancy!!! I loathe it with a passion! Additionally, we have had some slight craziness that has happened during these 10 weeks which have given us a bit of fear so to say. I personally do not think I can do this again for a few reasons. Mostly, everything we had to go through to get pregnant was simply too much for me to endure again. Nevertheless, we are over the top excited about this new addition to our little family and will be more than satisfied with one child plus our fur baby! So that has been crazy exciting!!!
Secondly, I was able to get a job working at the local Denny's diner as a dishwasher. While I was there I had some bleeding and stopped working for a couple weeks till I got everything cleared from the Dr. Since my appointment where I was cleared, this past Tuesday; I've been put back on the schedule doing a little lighter work. On weekends I am going to be doing some hosting, which should be easy enough. Boring, but easy. I am just happy to get out of the apartment on the weekends. House arrest is the hardest on the weekends. It truly gets to you. Being locked down from 5pm Friday till 730am Monday really takes a toll on you especially when there is no one but my dog home with me during the weekend because my wife works 6am-10pm Sat and Sun. So yeah, being alone makes the time crawl. It is pure torture.
House arrest, as I have said many times before to people is dehumanizing in so many ways. It truly is. I cant run to the store for milk when we are out of it, I cant go for a walk, or meet up with people to hang out, catch up, I cant Christmas or birthday shop..... Possibly the worst is scheduling appointments or interviews and letting my PO know about them but then not getting an confirmation or approval from her means I cannot go even after the appointment was made. It is incredibly frustrating. Many appointments I have had to cancel at the last minute because I have not heard back from my PO for the approval, same with job interviews. It is incredibly annoying. Yes, I am by law considered a criminal, HOWEVER, that does not mean I am not human and my basic needs should no longer be met. It does not mean that I should not be granted the right to attend appointments or job interviews....which according to the rules, you have to have a job while you are on probation. Otherwise it is considered a violation and you can be thrown in jail for it. Try getting a job on probation with a fresh conviction, a felony at that. No one wants to take the risk of hiring a felon. Even though the Govt offers tax breaks for companies that hire felons. That is not enough incentive for companies tho, because it is incredibly difficult to secure a job with a record.
So I found out I am pregnant! Which is exciting!! My wife and I have wanted a child since before we married and it is such a blessing for this to have finally taken place! As of today, I (the carrier) am 10 weeks and 5 days along. We had our first ultrasound done as well as heard the heart beat. I have been saying since day one of finding out that I think we are having a boy!!! Which is what I want and my wife is rooting for a girl! Initially, we wanted to have two, but there is no way I can do this twice! I simply am not made to be pregnant!!!! It is not common, where I am from that is, to hear women loathing pregnancy!!! I loathe it with a passion! Additionally, we have had some slight craziness that has happened during these 10 weeks which have given us a bit of fear so to say. I personally do not think I can do this again for a few reasons. Mostly, everything we had to go through to get pregnant was simply too much for me to endure again. Nevertheless, we are over the top excited about this new addition to our little family and will be more than satisfied with one child plus our fur baby! So that has been crazy exciting!!!
Secondly, I was able to get a job working at the local Denny's diner as a dishwasher. While I was there I had some bleeding and stopped working for a couple weeks till I got everything cleared from the Dr. Since my appointment where I was cleared, this past Tuesday; I've been put back on the schedule doing a little lighter work. On weekends I am going to be doing some hosting, which should be easy enough. Boring, but easy. I am just happy to get out of the apartment on the weekends. House arrest is the hardest on the weekends. It truly gets to you. Being locked down from 5pm Friday till 730am Monday really takes a toll on you especially when there is no one but my dog home with me during the weekend because my wife works 6am-10pm Sat and Sun. So yeah, being alone makes the time crawl. It is pure torture.
House arrest, as I have said many times before to people is dehumanizing in so many ways. It truly is. I cant run to the store for milk when we are out of it, I cant go for a walk, or meet up with people to hang out, catch up, I cant Christmas or birthday shop..... Possibly the worst is scheduling appointments or interviews and letting my PO know about them but then not getting an confirmation or approval from her means I cannot go even after the appointment was made. It is incredibly frustrating. Many appointments I have had to cancel at the last minute because I have not heard back from my PO for the approval, same with job interviews. It is incredibly annoying. Yes, I am by law considered a criminal, HOWEVER, that does not mean I am not human and my basic needs should no longer be met. It does not mean that I should not be granted the right to attend appointments or job interviews....which according to the rules, you have to have a job while you are on probation. Otherwise it is considered a violation and you can be thrown in jail for it. Try getting a job on probation with a fresh conviction, a felony at that. No one wants to take the risk of hiring a felon. Even though the Govt offers tax breaks for companies that hire felons. That is not enough incentive for companies tho, because it is incredibly difficult to secure a job with a record.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
So I got a phone call on Saturday the 20th about a job interview. So I scheduled it thinking I would have given my PO plenty of time to put the window in for the scheduled day and time. Well come Monday, I still have not heard from my PO confirming the date and time of this window for the interview. So I call back, mind you all I ever get is an answering machine asking me to leave a voice mail. Typically, she gives me a call back and confirms windows that I need. Like I said yesterday I got no call back, even after calling her back asking her to call me to confirm the window. So this morning like a damn fool, I had to call the place who I scheduled an interview for and let them know that I could not make it. I told them something happened with my car and I had to take it in the shop. While that is in part true....we think the heat pan needs tightened because it is making an awful noise like no other; the other part of having to take it in the shop today was not. We are trying to get it in the shop but of course the oh my guy is good give him a call scenario is getting exhausted and old for that matter. Back to the interview, it is hard enough for a convicted felon to get an interview that I really don't need to have to call and reschedule because my PO didn't call and confirm that window with me. Now some would say just go, there is a voicemail that says you called and gave plenty of notice of needing that window, you won't get into trouble. That may seem all fine and dandy but when you are paranoid as F to begin with you don't need the added stress of "Are cops going to show up because a window was not put in for me?," "Is she going to be at my house when I get back waiting to cuff me?" you get the point. The fact of the matter, though yes, I need a job with more income, it is not worth jumping to the interview without confirmation of a window having been put in for me. If I break house arrest, I go to jail for 3 years. So I have to think longer term rather than instant satisfaction right now. I suppose waiting 9 months to find something on the books that pays better is a small price to pay for my freedom. By the way, the company never called to reschedule and that blows. To top it off my wife is still on a PRN status at work and has to find her own hours and everything that was open shift wise has been awarded up until 9-10. So that makes for 2 very small pay checks and rough times because we have nothing left for bills. So this SUCKS especially not getting calls for shifts that people call off for right now. Things are getting tighter and the feeling of not being able to breathe is just becoming too much.
Still fighting with KIA to get the car paid off, which they are very lucky I am not the one they are talking to because she is one heck of a lot nicer than I am, especially when I am frustrated to the max with a situation. I am hoping that the fight will be done with them soon and we can hurry up and move on.
I sat down to pay bills today and the rent money that we had set aside for my fine, being I am cleaning for the landlords in exchange for free rent, well, that is going to have to go to fixing the car as well as other bills now that my wife will be getting next to nothing for the next two pay checks. Sometimes I ask myself, when is it our turn for an easier ride? When does our hard work pay off and we get a few breaks thrown our way? And then I remind myself that we are incredibly lucky to have what we do and very blessed to have been able to pay our bills thus far and that the Lord has not forgotten about us and is holding us up and guiding us to where he needs us to be. Where we are needed to do his work. I know he will be with us in terms of the car getting fixed. I know he is with us everyday and I know when I gave up on my faith before, things were a hell of a lot harder and I non stop felt like I was in the state of drowning and helpless. So during my times of being impatient
and wanting instant gratification I just need to calm myself and remind myself all things work in God's hands and he gave us mountains so we could learn how to climb.
I sit here and look at the money my wife has forgotten to put in the bank the past two days and I am reminded of how much I actually liked running errands even though I may have bitched about it from time to time, I enjoyed running them. I know she is busy and that is why I don't complain when she forgets to run the errand and I am so incredibly grateful for all that she does. I just set the bank slip and money near where she sits to eat and just remind her to do it tmw. It is hard when we have one car, she either has to drop me off at work or I take the car. If i take the car, then she can't run errands. It's a give and take that I have to remind myself of. I hate not having my car, but I know my wife hates not having hers even more. I know she hates having to rely on my car and work shifts around sharing the car. Yep, it sucks. But we are making the best of it and that's all we can do. I know that the Lord is with us, and will continue to be with us. This is my time to learn patience. That much I know.
Still fighting with KIA to get the car paid off, which they are very lucky I am not the one they are talking to because she is one heck of a lot nicer than I am, especially when I am frustrated to the max with a situation. I am hoping that the fight will be done with them soon and we can hurry up and move on.
I sat down to pay bills today and the rent money that we had set aside for my fine, being I am cleaning for the landlords in exchange for free rent, well, that is going to have to go to fixing the car as well as other bills now that my wife will be getting next to nothing for the next two pay checks. Sometimes I ask myself, when is it our turn for an easier ride? When does our hard work pay off and we get a few breaks thrown our way? And then I remind myself that we are incredibly lucky to have what we do and very blessed to have been able to pay our bills thus far and that the Lord has not forgotten about us and is holding us up and guiding us to where he needs us to be. Where we are needed to do his work. I know he will be with us in terms of the car getting fixed. I know he is with us everyday and I know when I gave up on my faith before, things were a hell of a lot harder and I non stop felt like I was in the state of drowning and helpless. So during my times of being impatient
and wanting instant gratification I just need to calm myself and remind myself all things work in God's hands and he gave us mountains so we could learn how to climb.
I sit here and look at the money my wife has forgotten to put in the bank the past two days and I am reminded of how much I actually liked running errands even though I may have bitched about it from time to time, I enjoyed running them. I know she is busy and that is why I don't complain when she forgets to run the errand and I am so incredibly grateful for all that she does. I just set the bank slip and money near where she sits to eat and just remind her to do it tmw. It is hard when we have one car, she either has to drop me off at work or I take the car. If i take the car, then she can't run errands. It's a give and take that I have to remind myself of. I hate not having my car, but I know my wife hates not having hers even more. I know she hates having to rely on my car and work shifts around sharing the car. Yep, it sucks. But we are making the best of it and that's all we can do. I know that the Lord is with us, and will continue to be with us. This is my time to learn patience. That much I know.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Before I got on house arrest, I did a lot of research of what could happen while on house arrest. Some of the stuff I found out was unannounced visits from police, state police, probation officers and unannounced searches of your home, mandated piss tests and so on.
Thus far, I have had to take one piss test which was done the day I got my anklet and my PO has called week in advance to let me know she would be out to see me the following week. I am not sure if all PO's do that, but I thought it was a nice jester especially given the day she arrived, I literally just walked my naked self down the short hall to my bedroom to get dressed. I had to yell for my wife to answer the door who was in the next room over doing her hair and makeup. I don't think she knew I was still naked bc I get dressed pretty quickly. Except with this anklet I have to wear high socks that I can fold down over it for two reasons; 1. it digs into the back of my ankle and I already have a mark from the first couple days of not wearing socks. 2. help hold it it in place so it is not peeking out from the bottom of my pants.
That is the other thing that really sucks, wearing pants in the summer. I clean buildings and doing so in the heat sucks to begin with then to add pants on top of that, I kid you not, I drip sweat like I have just boxed or did some cage fighting for 3 hours or more. It is awful. But I am sparing myself the embarrassment of people staring at it or talking about it.
A couple things have changed since being convicted by the state and handed my sentence. I used to think if someone did something wrong, that they automatically deserved the max of that harshest punishment possible. I also used to think that people who committed crimes were 'bad' people. Clearly, I have changed those thoughts. Yes, I, like many other people have made mistakes. Some people just didn't make mistakes that led them down screwed up justice system path. Some have. My mistake does not define me, it is however, a PART of me. We have all done things that we look back on and regret for many reasons, maybe we weren't thinking, maybe we thought we knew better than what our parents were telling us, maybe we were impulsive, uneducated, misguided and the list goes on and on. Those who made mistakes that were not against the law, according to the state, or simply didn't get caught were lucky. Do I now think all persons who committed a crime are 'bad' people. NO!!!! Most of the time, as I have been reading biographies and watching documentaries, those so called bad people came from good families, had an education, good jobs, contributed to society, kind people who made the wrong choice. Additionally, before going through the jacked up justice system we have, I had very little insight on how things really worked and how sentences were decided upon. I had no idea a judge could be calling their cases at 9 o'clock am and then decide they are not ready to be on the bench until 10 am. No clue. I had no clue that a judge could postpone your appearance because they started late and didn't get to you before the courthouse closed, only for you to be called into the courtroom at 9 am and wait until 10 before the judge came from their chambers. NO CLUE!!! And they still get paid. Mind boggling. If I show up for work an hour late, I surely am not getting paid for that hour. That is something else I believe we need to revamp so to speak. Little did I know with how a judge sentences carries many factors. Like, do you have a rap sheet (record of prior convictions), did you cooperate with the police, have you complied with ROR (released on own recogniative...which is an alternative to being released on bail. ROR is where you have never been locked up and have to follow the guidelines the county sets forth such as not leaving the county for any reason and ROR is free of charge). There are other contributing factors as well but I don't know all of them. With every crime committed there are mandatory minimum sentences the judge must impose set forth by law makers. Now, those sentences can be altered so long as the convicted person is serving the min. Now the min sentence for my 3 convictions was 3 years prison. I ended up with 9 months intermediate punishment which translates to house arrest and 3 years probation. Now while I am on probation, tho I do not have all the details just yet, I am not allowed to move from the county that I am in. I am allowed to travel outside of the county so long as an address and phone number is provided of where I will be and for how long. Like I said, right now I do not have all the details to it and will find out more once I am off house arrest next May. The nice thing, I think at least, is probation does not start after my house arrest is over, but rather began the day I was sentenced. You see I keep saying the day I was sentenced, because I plead guilty prior to being sentenced. So that technically was not my sentencing date. Lot of legal mumbo jumbo essentially. Lots of technicalities.
Weekends are the hardest because I cannot leave my house for any reason. Let me rephrase that. I am allowed to take my dog outside for 5 min intervals, but most of the time there is someone out there and they want to talk your ear off and then next thing you know you have been out there for 20 mins. To me it is not worth it. I can throw laundry in being it is behind my building, but again 5 min intervals. So, technically I can leave my house per se, but to me it is not worth the risk. If i am longer than 5 mins then I am considered to have broken house arrest rules and my ass gets thrown into jail for 3 years. That is why I say it is not worth it. I would rather reluctantly smoke out my spare bedroom window, take Izzy out during my working hours being I clean the buildings where I live and do my laundry on work time too. I just feel so bad when Izzy has to use to the pee pad when my wife is working long shifts and the neighbor is doing her catching up with laundry, house work, cleaning her ferret cage, taking care of her dog and so on.
Until next time.
Thus far, I have had to take one piss test which was done the day I got my anklet and my PO has called week in advance to let me know she would be out to see me the following week. I am not sure if all PO's do that, but I thought it was a nice jester especially given the day she arrived, I literally just walked my naked self down the short hall to my bedroom to get dressed. I had to yell for my wife to answer the door who was in the next room over doing her hair and makeup. I don't think she knew I was still naked bc I get dressed pretty quickly. Except with this anklet I have to wear high socks that I can fold down over it for two reasons; 1. it digs into the back of my ankle and I already have a mark from the first couple days of not wearing socks. 2. help hold it it in place so it is not peeking out from the bottom of my pants.
That is the other thing that really sucks, wearing pants in the summer. I clean buildings and doing so in the heat sucks to begin with then to add pants on top of that, I kid you not, I drip sweat like I have just boxed or did some cage fighting for 3 hours or more. It is awful. But I am sparing myself the embarrassment of people staring at it or talking about it.
A couple things have changed since being convicted by the state and handed my sentence. I used to think if someone did something wrong, that they automatically deserved the max of that harshest punishment possible. I also used to think that people who committed crimes were 'bad' people. Clearly, I have changed those thoughts. Yes, I, like many other people have made mistakes. Some people just didn't make mistakes that led them down screwed up justice system path. Some have. My mistake does not define me, it is however, a PART of me. We have all done things that we look back on and regret for many reasons, maybe we weren't thinking, maybe we thought we knew better than what our parents were telling us, maybe we were impulsive, uneducated, misguided and the list goes on and on. Those who made mistakes that were not against the law, according to the state, or simply didn't get caught were lucky. Do I now think all persons who committed a crime are 'bad' people. NO!!!! Most of the time, as I have been reading biographies and watching documentaries, those so called bad people came from good families, had an education, good jobs, contributed to society, kind people who made the wrong choice. Additionally, before going through the jacked up justice system we have, I had very little insight on how things really worked and how sentences were decided upon. I had no idea a judge could be calling their cases at 9 o'clock am and then decide they are not ready to be on the bench until 10 am. No clue. I had no clue that a judge could postpone your appearance because they started late and didn't get to you before the courthouse closed, only for you to be called into the courtroom at 9 am and wait until 10 before the judge came from their chambers. NO CLUE!!! And they still get paid. Mind boggling. If I show up for work an hour late, I surely am not getting paid for that hour. That is something else I believe we need to revamp so to speak. Little did I know with how a judge sentences carries many factors. Like, do you have a rap sheet (record of prior convictions), did you cooperate with the police, have you complied with ROR (released on own recogniative...which is an alternative to being released on bail. ROR is where you have never been locked up and have to follow the guidelines the county sets forth such as not leaving the county for any reason and ROR is free of charge). There are other contributing factors as well but I don't know all of them. With every crime committed there are mandatory minimum sentences the judge must impose set forth by law makers. Now, those sentences can be altered so long as the convicted person is serving the min. Now the min sentence for my 3 convictions was 3 years prison. I ended up with 9 months intermediate punishment which translates to house arrest and 3 years probation. Now while I am on probation, tho I do not have all the details just yet, I am not allowed to move from the county that I am in. I am allowed to travel outside of the county so long as an address and phone number is provided of where I will be and for how long. Like I said, right now I do not have all the details to it and will find out more once I am off house arrest next May. The nice thing, I think at least, is probation does not start after my house arrest is over, but rather began the day I was sentenced. You see I keep saying the day I was sentenced, because I plead guilty prior to being sentenced. So that technically was not my sentencing date. Lot of legal mumbo jumbo essentially. Lots of technicalities.
Weekends are the hardest because I cannot leave my house for any reason. Let me rephrase that. I am allowed to take my dog outside for 5 min intervals, but most of the time there is someone out there and they want to talk your ear off and then next thing you know you have been out there for 20 mins. To me it is not worth it. I can throw laundry in being it is behind my building, but again 5 min intervals. So, technically I can leave my house per se, but to me it is not worth the risk. If i am longer than 5 mins then I am considered to have broken house arrest rules and my ass gets thrown into jail for 3 years. That is why I say it is not worth it. I would rather reluctantly smoke out my spare bedroom window, take Izzy out during my working hours being I clean the buildings where I live and do my laundry on work time too. I just feel so bad when Izzy has to use to the pee pad when my wife is working long shifts and the neighbor is doing her catching up with laundry, house work, cleaning her ferret cage, taking care of her dog and so on.
Until next time.
Friday, August 12, 2016
FRUSTRATION
So, my wife was in an auto accident where she totaled her car via hydroplaning. As a result we have been nonstop fighting with the insurance company, the lean holder and the agency which is the middle man essentially. This incident happened 6-23-16. We just got another bill from Kia Finance stating we are two months behind on the payments and once it hits 30 days, it gets turned over to the collections I'm sorry but I have NEVER had anything in collections and I am not about to now. My wife currently is on the phone with multiple people being told to call this person, that person and everyone's grandmother essentially. She finally has a name and number of the person who was SUPPOSED to send the check out to us to send to Kia, like weeks ago. This is so incredibly frustration especially being on house arrest and dealing with this house arrest stuff. The worst part is not being able to get the answers we need and having to go back and forth between numerous people to get this settled when it should have been settled a long time ago. Knowing there is nothing I can do sucks majorly.
So today I got a call from my PO's assistant. First off, I didn't know PO's had assistants! News to me. Anyways, so I called last Saturday to let my PO know that I had an interview scheduled for the 19th at 6pm. Now, in order for me to go anywhere I have to call and let them know how log it will take me to get there and how long it will take me to get back. Now I have the interview at 6 and I like to show up early, so I plan on arriving at 545. So I told my PO that I needed to leave at 530 and should be home by 630 given I do not get hired on the spot and have to fill out paperwork. If I do, then I will have to go back home with the papers and send anther phone call in to have the approval to turn the paperwork in and possibly begin the tour, schedule, and so on.
Oh the annoyances of house arrest. But I keep reminding myself that it is better than being in jail. So the weekend is quickly approaching and the weekend is the worst time on house arrest because I cannot leave my house at all what so ever. That is the hardest part. So now I am working on creating a monthly schedule so that I can plan out weekend of working out, cleaning, reading, working out more, and so on. I hardly watch TV so that really isn't something that will kill time per se. Currently, my mind is a mess and feeling trapped like you wouldn't believe. I have to establish some sort of schedule to created routine and to keep my mind and body active to make this nine months go faster. I am hoping with winter approaching and earlier bed times/longer sleeping, that will help the time pass faster too.
So one week and one day on house arrest, and my life is no longer the same. My poor wife has so much to do and when she goes back to work I am not sure how much more it is going to change. I am going to have to fanagle getting laundry done, garbage out, getting the mail and taking Izzy out while working on the buildings that I clean because once that window is done, I am locked in the house.
I think doing this blog will help, along with the mandated counseling and psych appointments. That should kill some time or make things seem a little more normal.
until next time....
So, my wife was in an auto accident where she totaled her car via hydroplaning. As a result we have been nonstop fighting with the insurance company, the lean holder and the agency which is the middle man essentially. This incident happened 6-23-16. We just got another bill from Kia Finance stating we are two months behind on the payments and once it hits 30 days, it gets turned over to the collections I'm sorry but I have NEVER had anything in collections and I am not about to now. My wife currently is on the phone with multiple people being told to call this person, that person and everyone's grandmother essentially. She finally has a name and number of the person who was SUPPOSED to send the check out to us to send to Kia, like weeks ago. This is so incredibly frustration especially being on house arrest and dealing with this house arrest stuff. The worst part is not being able to get the answers we need and having to go back and forth between numerous people to get this settled when it should have been settled a long time ago. Knowing there is nothing I can do sucks majorly.
So today I got a call from my PO's assistant. First off, I didn't know PO's had assistants! News to me. Anyways, so I called last Saturday to let my PO know that I had an interview scheduled for the 19th at 6pm. Now, in order for me to go anywhere I have to call and let them know how log it will take me to get there and how long it will take me to get back. Now I have the interview at 6 and I like to show up early, so I plan on arriving at 545. So I told my PO that I needed to leave at 530 and should be home by 630 given I do not get hired on the spot and have to fill out paperwork. If I do, then I will have to go back home with the papers and send anther phone call in to have the approval to turn the paperwork in and possibly begin the tour, schedule, and so on.
Oh the annoyances of house arrest. But I keep reminding myself that it is better than being in jail. So the weekend is quickly approaching and the weekend is the worst time on house arrest because I cannot leave my house at all what so ever. That is the hardest part. So now I am working on creating a monthly schedule so that I can plan out weekend of working out, cleaning, reading, working out more, and so on. I hardly watch TV so that really isn't something that will kill time per se. Currently, my mind is a mess and feeling trapped like you wouldn't believe. I have to establish some sort of schedule to created routine and to keep my mind and body active to make this nine months go faster. I am hoping with winter approaching and earlier bed times/longer sleeping, that will help the time pass faster too.
So one week and one day on house arrest, and my life is no longer the same. My poor wife has so much to do and when she goes back to work I am not sure how much more it is going to change. I am going to have to fanagle getting laundry done, garbage out, getting the mail and taking Izzy out while working on the buildings that I clean because once that window is done, I am locked in the house.
I think doing this blog will help, along with the mandated counseling and psych appointments. That should kill some time or make things seem a little more normal.
until next time....
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