So I got a phone call on Saturday the 20th about a job interview. So I scheduled it thinking I would have given my PO plenty of time to put the window in for the scheduled day and time. Well come Monday, I still have not heard from my PO confirming the date and time of this window for the interview. So I call back, mind you all I ever get is an answering machine asking me to leave a voice mail. Typically, she gives me a call back and confirms windows that I need. Like I said yesterday I got no call back, even after calling her back asking her to call me to confirm the window. So this morning like a damn fool, I had to call the place who I scheduled an interview for and let them know that I could not make it. I told them something happened with my car and I had to take it in the shop. While that is in part true....we think the heat pan needs tightened because it is making an awful noise like no other; the other part of having to take it in the shop today was not. We are trying to get it in the shop but of course the oh my guy is good give him a call scenario is getting exhausted and old for that matter. Back to the interview, it is hard enough for a convicted felon to get an interview that I really don't need to have to call and reschedule because my PO didn't call and confirm that window with me. Now some would say just go, there is a voicemail that says you called and gave plenty of notice of needing that window, you won't get into trouble. That may seem all fine and dandy but when you are paranoid as F to begin with you don't need the added stress of "Are cops going to show up because a window was not put in for me?," "Is she going to be at my house when I get back waiting to cuff me?" you get the point. The fact of the matter, though yes, I need a job with more income, it is not worth jumping to the interview without confirmation of a window having been put in for me. If I break house arrest, I go to jail for 3 years. So I have to think longer term rather than instant satisfaction right now. I suppose waiting 9 months to find something on the books that pays better is a small price to pay for my freedom. By the way, the company never called to reschedule and that blows. To top it off my wife is still on a PRN status at work and has to find her own hours and everything that was open shift wise has been awarded up until 9-10. So that makes for 2 very small pay checks and rough times because we have nothing left for bills. So this SUCKS especially not getting calls for shifts that people call off for right now. Things are getting tighter and the feeling of not being able to breathe is just becoming too much.
Still fighting with KIA to get the car paid off, which they are very lucky I am not the one they are talking to because she is one heck of a lot nicer than I am, especially when I am frustrated to the max with a situation. I am hoping that the fight will be done with them soon and we can hurry up and move on.
I sat down to pay bills today and the rent money that we had set aside for my fine, being I am cleaning for the landlords in exchange for free rent, well, that is going to have to go to fixing the car as well as other bills now that my wife will be getting next to nothing for the next two pay checks. Sometimes I ask myself, when is it our turn for an easier ride? When does our hard work pay off and we get a few breaks thrown our way? And then I remind myself that we are incredibly lucky to have what we do and very blessed to have been able to pay our bills thus far and that the Lord has not forgotten about us and is holding us up and guiding us to where he needs us to be. Where we are needed to do his work. I know he will be with us in terms of the car getting fixed. I know he is with us everyday and I know when I gave up on my faith before, things were a hell of a lot harder and I non stop felt like I was in the state of drowning and helpless. So during my times of being impatient
and wanting instant gratification I just need to calm myself and remind myself all things work in God's hands and he gave us mountains so we could learn how to climb.
I sit here and look at the money my wife has forgotten to put in the bank the past two days and I am reminded of how much I actually liked running errands even though I may have bitched about it from time to time, I enjoyed running them. I know she is busy and that is why I don't complain when she forgets to run the errand and I am so incredibly grateful for all that she does. I just set the bank slip and money near where she sits to eat and just remind her to do it tmw. It is hard when we have one car, she either has to drop me off at work or I take the car. If i take the car, then she can't run errands. It's a give and take that I have to remind myself of. I hate not having my car, but I know my wife hates not having hers even more. I know she hates having to rely on my car and work shifts around sharing the car. Yep, it sucks. But we are making the best of it and that's all we can do. I know that the Lord is with us, and will continue to be with us. This is my time to learn patience. That much I know.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Before I got on house arrest, I did a lot of research of what could happen while on house arrest. Some of the stuff I found out was unannounced visits from police, state police, probation officers and unannounced searches of your home, mandated piss tests and so on.
Thus far, I have had to take one piss test which was done the day I got my anklet and my PO has called week in advance to let me know she would be out to see me the following week. I am not sure if all PO's do that, but I thought it was a nice jester especially given the day she arrived, I literally just walked my naked self down the short hall to my bedroom to get dressed. I had to yell for my wife to answer the door who was in the next room over doing her hair and makeup. I don't think she knew I was still naked bc I get dressed pretty quickly. Except with this anklet I have to wear high socks that I can fold down over it for two reasons; 1. it digs into the back of my ankle and I already have a mark from the first couple days of not wearing socks. 2. help hold it it in place so it is not peeking out from the bottom of my pants.
That is the other thing that really sucks, wearing pants in the summer. I clean buildings and doing so in the heat sucks to begin with then to add pants on top of that, I kid you not, I drip sweat like I have just boxed or did some cage fighting for 3 hours or more. It is awful. But I am sparing myself the embarrassment of people staring at it or talking about it.
A couple things have changed since being convicted by the state and handed my sentence. I used to think if someone did something wrong, that they automatically deserved the max of that harshest punishment possible. I also used to think that people who committed crimes were 'bad' people. Clearly, I have changed those thoughts. Yes, I, like many other people have made mistakes. Some people just didn't make mistakes that led them down screwed up justice system path. Some have. My mistake does not define me, it is however, a PART of me. We have all done things that we look back on and regret for many reasons, maybe we weren't thinking, maybe we thought we knew better than what our parents were telling us, maybe we were impulsive, uneducated, misguided and the list goes on and on. Those who made mistakes that were not against the law, according to the state, or simply didn't get caught were lucky. Do I now think all persons who committed a crime are 'bad' people. NO!!!! Most of the time, as I have been reading biographies and watching documentaries, those so called bad people came from good families, had an education, good jobs, contributed to society, kind people who made the wrong choice. Additionally, before going through the jacked up justice system we have, I had very little insight on how things really worked and how sentences were decided upon. I had no idea a judge could be calling their cases at 9 o'clock am and then decide they are not ready to be on the bench until 10 am. No clue. I had no clue that a judge could postpone your appearance because they started late and didn't get to you before the courthouse closed, only for you to be called into the courtroom at 9 am and wait until 10 before the judge came from their chambers. NO CLUE!!! And they still get paid. Mind boggling. If I show up for work an hour late, I surely am not getting paid for that hour. That is something else I believe we need to revamp so to speak. Little did I know with how a judge sentences carries many factors. Like, do you have a rap sheet (record of prior convictions), did you cooperate with the police, have you complied with ROR (released on own recogniative...which is an alternative to being released on bail. ROR is where you have never been locked up and have to follow the guidelines the county sets forth such as not leaving the county for any reason and ROR is free of charge). There are other contributing factors as well but I don't know all of them. With every crime committed there are mandatory minimum sentences the judge must impose set forth by law makers. Now, those sentences can be altered so long as the convicted person is serving the min. Now the min sentence for my 3 convictions was 3 years prison. I ended up with 9 months intermediate punishment which translates to house arrest and 3 years probation. Now while I am on probation, tho I do not have all the details just yet, I am not allowed to move from the county that I am in. I am allowed to travel outside of the county so long as an address and phone number is provided of where I will be and for how long. Like I said, right now I do not have all the details to it and will find out more once I am off house arrest next May. The nice thing, I think at least, is probation does not start after my house arrest is over, but rather began the day I was sentenced. You see I keep saying the day I was sentenced, because I plead guilty prior to being sentenced. So that technically was not my sentencing date. Lot of legal mumbo jumbo essentially. Lots of technicalities.
Weekends are the hardest because I cannot leave my house for any reason. Let me rephrase that. I am allowed to take my dog outside for 5 min intervals, but most of the time there is someone out there and they want to talk your ear off and then next thing you know you have been out there for 20 mins. To me it is not worth it. I can throw laundry in being it is behind my building, but again 5 min intervals. So, technically I can leave my house per se, but to me it is not worth the risk. If i am longer than 5 mins then I am considered to have broken house arrest rules and my ass gets thrown into jail for 3 years. That is why I say it is not worth it. I would rather reluctantly smoke out my spare bedroom window, take Izzy out during my working hours being I clean the buildings where I live and do my laundry on work time too. I just feel so bad when Izzy has to use to the pee pad when my wife is working long shifts and the neighbor is doing her catching up with laundry, house work, cleaning her ferret cage, taking care of her dog and so on.
Until next time.
Thus far, I have had to take one piss test which was done the day I got my anklet and my PO has called week in advance to let me know she would be out to see me the following week. I am not sure if all PO's do that, but I thought it was a nice jester especially given the day she arrived, I literally just walked my naked self down the short hall to my bedroom to get dressed. I had to yell for my wife to answer the door who was in the next room over doing her hair and makeup. I don't think she knew I was still naked bc I get dressed pretty quickly. Except with this anklet I have to wear high socks that I can fold down over it for two reasons; 1. it digs into the back of my ankle and I already have a mark from the first couple days of not wearing socks. 2. help hold it it in place so it is not peeking out from the bottom of my pants.
That is the other thing that really sucks, wearing pants in the summer. I clean buildings and doing so in the heat sucks to begin with then to add pants on top of that, I kid you not, I drip sweat like I have just boxed or did some cage fighting for 3 hours or more. It is awful. But I am sparing myself the embarrassment of people staring at it or talking about it.
A couple things have changed since being convicted by the state and handed my sentence. I used to think if someone did something wrong, that they automatically deserved the max of that harshest punishment possible. I also used to think that people who committed crimes were 'bad' people. Clearly, I have changed those thoughts. Yes, I, like many other people have made mistakes. Some people just didn't make mistakes that led them down screwed up justice system path. Some have. My mistake does not define me, it is however, a PART of me. We have all done things that we look back on and regret for many reasons, maybe we weren't thinking, maybe we thought we knew better than what our parents were telling us, maybe we were impulsive, uneducated, misguided and the list goes on and on. Those who made mistakes that were not against the law, according to the state, or simply didn't get caught were lucky. Do I now think all persons who committed a crime are 'bad' people. NO!!!! Most of the time, as I have been reading biographies and watching documentaries, those so called bad people came from good families, had an education, good jobs, contributed to society, kind people who made the wrong choice. Additionally, before going through the jacked up justice system we have, I had very little insight on how things really worked and how sentences were decided upon. I had no idea a judge could be calling their cases at 9 o'clock am and then decide they are not ready to be on the bench until 10 am. No clue. I had no clue that a judge could postpone your appearance because they started late and didn't get to you before the courthouse closed, only for you to be called into the courtroom at 9 am and wait until 10 before the judge came from their chambers. NO CLUE!!! And they still get paid. Mind boggling. If I show up for work an hour late, I surely am not getting paid for that hour. That is something else I believe we need to revamp so to speak. Little did I know with how a judge sentences carries many factors. Like, do you have a rap sheet (record of prior convictions), did you cooperate with the police, have you complied with ROR (released on own recogniative...which is an alternative to being released on bail. ROR is where you have never been locked up and have to follow the guidelines the county sets forth such as not leaving the county for any reason and ROR is free of charge). There are other contributing factors as well but I don't know all of them. With every crime committed there are mandatory minimum sentences the judge must impose set forth by law makers. Now, those sentences can be altered so long as the convicted person is serving the min. Now the min sentence for my 3 convictions was 3 years prison. I ended up with 9 months intermediate punishment which translates to house arrest and 3 years probation. Now while I am on probation, tho I do not have all the details just yet, I am not allowed to move from the county that I am in. I am allowed to travel outside of the county so long as an address and phone number is provided of where I will be and for how long. Like I said, right now I do not have all the details to it and will find out more once I am off house arrest next May. The nice thing, I think at least, is probation does not start after my house arrest is over, but rather began the day I was sentenced. You see I keep saying the day I was sentenced, because I plead guilty prior to being sentenced. So that technically was not my sentencing date. Lot of legal mumbo jumbo essentially. Lots of technicalities.
Weekends are the hardest because I cannot leave my house for any reason. Let me rephrase that. I am allowed to take my dog outside for 5 min intervals, but most of the time there is someone out there and they want to talk your ear off and then next thing you know you have been out there for 20 mins. To me it is not worth it. I can throw laundry in being it is behind my building, but again 5 min intervals. So, technically I can leave my house per se, but to me it is not worth the risk. If i am longer than 5 mins then I am considered to have broken house arrest rules and my ass gets thrown into jail for 3 years. That is why I say it is not worth it. I would rather reluctantly smoke out my spare bedroom window, take Izzy out during my working hours being I clean the buildings where I live and do my laundry on work time too. I just feel so bad when Izzy has to use to the pee pad when my wife is working long shifts and the neighbor is doing her catching up with laundry, house work, cleaning her ferret cage, taking care of her dog and so on.
Until next time.
Friday, August 12, 2016
FRUSTRATION
So, my wife was in an auto accident where she totaled her car via hydroplaning. As a result we have been nonstop fighting with the insurance company, the lean holder and the agency which is the middle man essentially. This incident happened 6-23-16. We just got another bill from Kia Finance stating we are two months behind on the payments and once it hits 30 days, it gets turned over to the collections I'm sorry but I have NEVER had anything in collections and I am not about to now. My wife currently is on the phone with multiple people being told to call this person, that person and everyone's grandmother essentially. She finally has a name and number of the person who was SUPPOSED to send the check out to us to send to Kia, like weeks ago. This is so incredibly frustration especially being on house arrest and dealing with this house arrest stuff. The worst part is not being able to get the answers we need and having to go back and forth between numerous people to get this settled when it should have been settled a long time ago. Knowing there is nothing I can do sucks majorly.
So today I got a call from my PO's assistant. First off, I didn't know PO's had assistants! News to me. Anyways, so I called last Saturday to let my PO know that I had an interview scheduled for the 19th at 6pm. Now, in order for me to go anywhere I have to call and let them know how log it will take me to get there and how long it will take me to get back. Now I have the interview at 6 and I like to show up early, so I plan on arriving at 545. So I told my PO that I needed to leave at 530 and should be home by 630 given I do not get hired on the spot and have to fill out paperwork. If I do, then I will have to go back home with the papers and send anther phone call in to have the approval to turn the paperwork in and possibly begin the tour, schedule, and so on.
Oh the annoyances of house arrest. But I keep reminding myself that it is better than being in jail. So the weekend is quickly approaching and the weekend is the worst time on house arrest because I cannot leave my house at all what so ever. That is the hardest part. So now I am working on creating a monthly schedule so that I can plan out weekend of working out, cleaning, reading, working out more, and so on. I hardly watch TV so that really isn't something that will kill time per se. Currently, my mind is a mess and feeling trapped like you wouldn't believe. I have to establish some sort of schedule to created routine and to keep my mind and body active to make this nine months go faster. I am hoping with winter approaching and earlier bed times/longer sleeping, that will help the time pass faster too.
So one week and one day on house arrest, and my life is no longer the same. My poor wife has so much to do and when she goes back to work I am not sure how much more it is going to change. I am going to have to fanagle getting laundry done, garbage out, getting the mail and taking Izzy out while working on the buildings that I clean because once that window is done, I am locked in the house.
I think doing this blog will help, along with the mandated counseling and psych appointments. That should kill some time or make things seem a little more normal.
until next time....
So, my wife was in an auto accident where she totaled her car via hydroplaning. As a result we have been nonstop fighting with the insurance company, the lean holder and the agency which is the middle man essentially. This incident happened 6-23-16. We just got another bill from Kia Finance stating we are two months behind on the payments and once it hits 30 days, it gets turned over to the collections I'm sorry but I have NEVER had anything in collections and I am not about to now. My wife currently is on the phone with multiple people being told to call this person, that person and everyone's grandmother essentially. She finally has a name and number of the person who was SUPPOSED to send the check out to us to send to Kia, like weeks ago. This is so incredibly frustration especially being on house arrest and dealing with this house arrest stuff. The worst part is not being able to get the answers we need and having to go back and forth between numerous people to get this settled when it should have been settled a long time ago. Knowing there is nothing I can do sucks majorly.
So today I got a call from my PO's assistant. First off, I didn't know PO's had assistants! News to me. Anyways, so I called last Saturday to let my PO know that I had an interview scheduled for the 19th at 6pm. Now, in order for me to go anywhere I have to call and let them know how log it will take me to get there and how long it will take me to get back. Now I have the interview at 6 and I like to show up early, so I plan on arriving at 545. So I told my PO that I needed to leave at 530 and should be home by 630 given I do not get hired on the spot and have to fill out paperwork. If I do, then I will have to go back home with the papers and send anther phone call in to have the approval to turn the paperwork in and possibly begin the tour, schedule, and so on.
Oh the annoyances of house arrest. But I keep reminding myself that it is better than being in jail. So the weekend is quickly approaching and the weekend is the worst time on house arrest because I cannot leave my house at all what so ever. That is the hardest part. So now I am working on creating a monthly schedule so that I can plan out weekend of working out, cleaning, reading, working out more, and so on. I hardly watch TV so that really isn't something that will kill time per se. Currently, my mind is a mess and feeling trapped like you wouldn't believe. I have to establish some sort of schedule to created routine and to keep my mind and body active to make this nine months go faster. I am hoping with winter approaching and earlier bed times/longer sleeping, that will help the time pass faster too.
So one week and one day on house arrest, and my life is no longer the same. My poor wife has so much to do and when she goes back to work I am not sure how much more it is going to change. I am going to have to fanagle getting laundry done, garbage out, getting the mail and taking Izzy out while working on the buildings that I clean because once that window is done, I am locked in the house.
I think doing this blog will help, along with the mandated counseling and psych appointments. That should kill some time or make things seem a little more normal.
until next time....
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Some people have been asking questions about the terms of house arrest. Well, it's different for each case. Mine however, are pretty strict. Like once I am home from work, I cannot leave my apartment. Now my PO said I can take my dog out, go smoke or take the trash out as long as they are within five min incriments. However, that gives me uneasy feelings. Like what if I am out there longer than 5 min (mind you the 5 min starts the min my foot is outside my door)? Or what if suddenly someone else becomes my PO and looks at my tracking records and decides I have broken the rules and I get thrown into jail? It terrifies me. Not only that, but speaking of terrifying, my phone line which is connected through my cable keeps going in and out. What if it is off line too long and that is considered a violation of the rules? I just wait for the cops or my PO to show up at my door all the time. Talk about a panic attack all the time. Back to the terms. According to my sheet of rules, yes they give you a list of rules, I am allowed 2 hours of grocery shopping which the day and time has to be cleared by the PO so they can put an extended GPS window in which allows me to go further than just work. I have to give a 48 hour notice of when this will be taking place. I'm allowed to do laundry so long as I put it in the washer then come back....laundry is in the back of my building. Same with drying. But again, I'm scared if I take too long to do laundry will someone show up and slap the cuffs on me?! My nerves are racked to the max that is for sure. I was not given a proximity of which I could freely roam. Mine is, behind my front door, that is it. Not complaining because I could be in jail, just sucks. Also my curfew is when I am home from work. No exceptions. Ugh!
We are on one car right now due to an accident which led to the car being totaled, so I am not sure how we are going to work this out yet because my wife's schedule can change at a moments notice and like I said I have to give a 48 hour notice of anything, grocery shopping (twice a month I think is the allowed amount, appointments, driving my wife to work, changes in my work schedule, etc.). So the nervousness of how this will work out is there and trying to come up with alternative plans and reach out to the 2 people who would be willing to help us. My wife finds out on the 16th if she is able to return to work yet b/c of her broken foot. We are praying she is able to because we no longer have the finances to keep us going.
One thing that really tends to annoy me is that I have tried contacting my PO several times now since being hooked up last Thursday to ask about me walking to work so my wife can have the car and how often I am able to do laundry, if we can move the monitor to another room and attempt to plug it into the wall unit to prevent it from going in and out all the time, and a couple other questions I have written down but cannot remember them right now. She hasn't returned one of my messages. So I am guessing I will have to wait till she comes back out to make sure I don't have alcohol or drugs in the house and to do another drug test next month, if that is even a guarantee that she will be showing up. I have heard and read countless nightmares about PO's that don't do the monthly check-ins and don't return phone calls so when you tell them of an appointment you are on edge when you go because you have no idea if they put that extended window in for you. I'm really hoping my PO is not like that. But time will tell. I suppose I will just have to keep calling her and waiting for a returned call.
Another thing that really sucks is my ankle is so red and the skin is chafing on the back from where the anklet sits and rubs all day. Not to mention I cannot shave around it. I tried once and the razor caught a hint of the anklet and I panicked because there are little wires in the anklet that go the whole way around the band and connect into the box. If one of those wires were nipped I would have been accused of trying to cut the thing off. So I have to wear crew socks to protect my ankle which are a bitch to get on under the anklet and even harder to get off because naturally you are worried the anklet is going to come off. Yes, there is enough room for the anklet to turn from side to side and to get a sock under. Other than that, there isn't a whole lot of room. So wearing crew socks in the dead of summer and pants, to spare myself the embarrassment and questions, sucks major balls and you are always sweating uncontrollably. Yes I could wear shorts and roll the sock down over the box, bur you can still see the box sticking out of the sock and then things look weirder and everyone naturally looks at something that looks different or that they have never seen out of curiosity.
Sleeping....challenging. You are always faced with the box jamming you in the other leg, or pushing against your ankle bone. Or getting comfortable is just down right impossible. The box gets caught on the covers too. Just all the way around uncomfortable. And I am not one that can sleep with socks on otherwise I would and just roll the sock down over the box to keep it more confined per se.
There are only so many things I can clean after work until bed, so many times I can work out, so many hours I can watch tv, so many games I can play on my phone, so many people I can talk to before I become bored out of my mind. An idle mind becomes a racing mind. The realization of essentially being told no sets in and like a kid when you are told no, you want to do it just because you're told no. Same thing applies here. The desire to go to the front of the building to smoke or just stand outside and get fresh air and look at the clouds become uncontrollable. Then the anger sets in, the annoyance grows and the agitation increases.
One of the hardest things by far is the strain and extra amount of work it puts on my wife. She is now responsible for everything I used to do, grocery shopping, running errands, taking Izzy (dog) out every 2 hours, letting the neighbors dog out every 2 hours, then spending 2 hours a day over there just to comfort her and give her attention, taking both the dogs out separately to play ball in the yard, doing the laundry, throwing the trash out and so on. I know it is stressful and will become more stressful once she goes back to work but she has yet to complain because we both know the alternative of what could have been. We are grateful for the outcome and will deal with the struggles till May 2017. Once house arrest is over, the sharing of one car will be so much easier, I can go about life normally again without having to ask for permission to do daily living tasks.
It has not been one full week yet and my ankle hurts already from the extra weight and not being able to move it around too well. If i could just stretch it or get it to crack that would be amazing lol
I am trying to remain positive and hopeful that this goes as smoothly as possible and no power outages happen that could cause the cops to show up at my door.
Oh the stress that comes along with this whole new journey is something indescribable. But I will tell you what, I picked one hell of a wife who has not left my side over my terrible choice that has landed me where I am today, who does not complain one bit about having to do all the things I used to do or who remains calm when I am irritated. She has been by my side the entire time and I even told her she could leave and file for divorce and I would understand and give her everything. She wanted nothing to do with that option, but rather reminded me that for better or worse, we are in it together. HELL YEAH!!!! That's one amazing partner hands down!
AS you can tell today my spirits are a bit more lifted than they were from the last post, I hope they remain lifted and help these nine months fly by. If I just get pictures developed I can do my scrapbook, or materials needed for my family birthday board to complete I would have my mind occupied more and I think it would help pass the time faster especially on weekends when I am not working and the days seem to drag on. Hoping we can get an extra few dollars to make that happen!!!
Until next time....
We are on one car right now due to an accident which led to the car being totaled, so I am not sure how we are going to work this out yet because my wife's schedule can change at a moments notice and like I said I have to give a 48 hour notice of anything, grocery shopping (twice a month I think is the allowed amount, appointments, driving my wife to work, changes in my work schedule, etc.). So the nervousness of how this will work out is there and trying to come up with alternative plans and reach out to the 2 people who would be willing to help us. My wife finds out on the 16th if she is able to return to work yet b/c of her broken foot. We are praying she is able to because we no longer have the finances to keep us going.
One thing that really tends to annoy me is that I have tried contacting my PO several times now since being hooked up last Thursday to ask about me walking to work so my wife can have the car and how often I am able to do laundry, if we can move the monitor to another room and attempt to plug it into the wall unit to prevent it from going in and out all the time, and a couple other questions I have written down but cannot remember them right now. She hasn't returned one of my messages. So I am guessing I will have to wait till she comes back out to make sure I don't have alcohol or drugs in the house and to do another drug test next month, if that is even a guarantee that she will be showing up. I have heard and read countless nightmares about PO's that don't do the monthly check-ins and don't return phone calls so when you tell them of an appointment you are on edge when you go because you have no idea if they put that extended window in for you. I'm really hoping my PO is not like that. But time will tell. I suppose I will just have to keep calling her and waiting for a returned call.
Another thing that really sucks is my ankle is so red and the skin is chafing on the back from where the anklet sits and rubs all day. Not to mention I cannot shave around it. I tried once and the razor caught a hint of the anklet and I panicked because there are little wires in the anklet that go the whole way around the band and connect into the box. If one of those wires were nipped I would have been accused of trying to cut the thing off. So I have to wear crew socks to protect my ankle which are a bitch to get on under the anklet and even harder to get off because naturally you are worried the anklet is going to come off. Yes, there is enough room for the anklet to turn from side to side and to get a sock under. Other than that, there isn't a whole lot of room. So wearing crew socks in the dead of summer and pants, to spare myself the embarrassment and questions, sucks major balls and you are always sweating uncontrollably. Yes I could wear shorts and roll the sock down over the box, bur you can still see the box sticking out of the sock and then things look weirder and everyone naturally looks at something that looks different or that they have never seen out of curiosity.
Sleeping....challenging. You are always faced with the box jamming you in the other leg, or pushing against your ankle bone. Or getting comfortable is just down right impossible. The box gets caught on the covers too. Just all the way around uncomfortable. And I am not one that can sleep with socks on otherwise I would and just roll the sock down over the box to keep it more confined per se.
There are only so many things I can clean after work until bed, so many times I can work out, so many hours I can watch tv, so many games I can play on my phone, so many people I can talk to before I become bored out of my mind. An idle mind becomes a racing mind. The realization of essentially being told no sets in and like a kid when you are told no, you want to do it just because you're told no. Same thing applies here. The desire to go to the front of the building to smoke or just stand outside and get fresh air and look at the clouds become uncontrollable. Then the anger sets in, the annoyance grows and the agitation increases.
One of the hardest things by far is the strain and extra amount of work it puts on my wife. She is now responsible for everything I used to do, grocery shopping, running errands, taking Izzy (dog) out every 2 hours, letting the neighbors dog out every 2 hours, then spending 2 hours a day over there just to comfort her and give her attention, taking both the dogs out separately to play ball in the yard, doing the laundry, throwing the trash out and so on. I know it is stressful and will become more stressful once she goes back to work but she has yet to complain because we both know the alternative of what could have been. We are grateful for the outcome and will deal with the struggles till May 2017. Once house arrest is over, the sharing of one car will be so much easier, I can go about life normally again without having to ask for permission to do daily living tasks.
It has not been one full week yet and my ankle hurts already from the extra weight and not being able to move it around too well. If i could just stretch it or get it to crack that would be amazing lol
I am trying to remain positive and hopeful that this goes as smoothly as possible and no power outages happen that could cause the cops to show up at my door.
Oh the stress that comes along with this whole new journey is something indescribable. But I will tell you what, I picked one hell of a wife who has not left my side over my terrible choice that has landed me where I am today, who does not complain one bit about having to do all the things I used to do or who remains calm when I am irritated. She has been by my side the entire time and I even told her she could leave and file for divorce and I would understand and give her everything. She wanted nothing to do with that option, but rather reminded me that for better or worse, we are in it together. HELL YEAH!!!! That's one amazing partner hands down!
AS you can tell today my spirits are a bit more lifted than they were from the last post, I hope they remain lifted and help these nine months fly by. If I just get pictures developed I can do my scrapbook, or materials needed for my family birthday board to complete I would have my mind occupied more and I think it would help pass the time faster especially on weekends when I am not working and the days seem to drag on. Hoping we can get an extra few dollars to make that happen!!!
Until next time....
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Here goes nothing....
Okay, so I haven't told many people about this and really don't intend to.. but I feel like I need to get some things out & kind of want to use this as a journal per se of my 'journey.'
Run down~
Two years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life; literally. I am not sure if I am ready to disclose exactly what the mistake was to the whole world, but in a way I need to touch on it....if that makes any sense. As a result of the mistake I lived in HELL for 2 agonizing years and 1.5 years legally. Yes, LEGALLY.
As a result of the legal proceedings, I was given house arrest for 9 months and probation for 3 years. Sounds terrible, but it was the better outcome of what could have been; 3 to 7 years in prison. Shitty, but yes, I will take the alternative sentence.
I know a lot of people are wondering, what in the world did you do to face a sentence like that....well like I said, I may not ever fully disclose that, but I am not 100% sure. One thing I hate more than anything in the world is people judging others. Cannot stand it. I know it is a natural human thing to do, but at the same time, we can help what we say, not what we think. And automatically casting judgement upon someone for a MISTAKE they made in their life is just down right ignorant as heck. So if you are one of those who judge others, then feel free the leave this blog!!!!
This past Thursday was hook up day. But let's back track a minute here. So in order for me to get H.E.M. (home electric monitoring) also known as house arrest, started I had to get a land line. Eh, not too terribly, luckily it comes with the cable bundle!!! Now to buy a phone. Shouldn't be hard, right??!
WRONG!!!!!! Buying a phone was the worst part!!!!! We bought one plugged it in but of course my luck I couldn't hear the damn thing ring. Off to the store we go AGAIN!!! Finally found one that lights up when it rings and is loud enough for me to hear! Back to where I was.....Thursday my PO (probation officer) came to the house and began the routine. Piss test, all the while she was in the bathroom with me. AWKWARD!!!! I asked if she had to be in there with me and she of course said yes. "C'mon, this shouldn't be award for you, you live with a female!" **side note, as you can see from the title of my domain....I'm a lesbian, married actually.** Boy did that make things uncomfortable even more. Yes, I live with a woman, who happens to be my wife...nevertheless peeing in front of a stranger with them staring at you, lesbian or not, female roommate or not, is HIGHLY uncomfortable. So I comply and pee in the tiny cup. Hand it to her and move on. Then she proceeds to put the anklet on which is the size of a half pack of smokes, but has some weight to it. after multiple adjustments, she gets it to where she feels comfortable that I'm not going to take the liberty of slipping out of it and 'escaping' house arrest. Then they hook up this monitor, which I thought would be rather small......nope the thing is bigger than my cable box.
So as all this is complete I am telling her my work schedule and providing proof of the times (its a set one) and the address to accompany. Plus I had to tell her when my Dr. appointments were so she would be able to put 'windows' into the computer. Windows are time frames that are approved times of travel for work and appointments. Anything after that your anklet sends a wonderful signal to the monitor that you are out of range and then there goes trouble. Which I probably should add, if I do not comply with the rules and such of house arrest, then my ass gets tossed into jail for the term of my probation. Which then comes the cost of being in jail as well as the cost of parole following release of jail ON TOP of the fines I currently have would just down right kill me. Yes, I know I brought this all on myself and I cannot complain about the fines I have because my actions got me them. All I am saying is going to jail would add more cost to pay later...I had no idea you had to pay for your incarceration. Yep, you do!
So today, I had to unplug everything (yes I cleared it with the PO first to make sure!) and put a larger surge protector in. My damn cable modem took so long to reboot I started freaking out because my damn anklet beeped twice. I starting panicking that the police were coming and that the longer it took for the modem to reboot the more trouble I would get in. Once the phone line was back on track I hurried up and called the voicemail of my PO to let her know what happened and why I was off line for a minute there. My heart was pounding.
I think that is all for tonight, after all....I have 9 months to get further into detail.
Okay, so I haven't told many people about this and really don't intend to.. but I feel like I need to get some things out & kind of want to use this as a journal per se of my 'journey.'
Run down~
Two years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life; literally. I am not sure if I am ready to disclose exactly what the mistake was to the whole world, but in a way I need to touch on it....if that makes any sense. As a result of the mistake I lived in HELL for 2 agonizing years and 1.5 years legally. Yes, LEGALLY.
As a result of the legal proceedings, I was given house arrest for 9 months and probation for 3 years. Sounds terrible, but it was the better outcome of what could have been; 3 to 7 years in prison. Shitty, but yes, I will take the alternative sentence.
I know a lot of people are wondering, what in the world did you do to face a sentence like that....well like I said, I may not ever fully disclose that, but I am not 100% sure. One thing I hate more than anything in the world is people judging others. Cannot stand it. I know it is a natural human thing to do, but at the same time, we can help what we say, not what we think. And automatically casting judgement upon someone for a MISTAKE they made in their life is just down right ignorant as heck. So if you are one of those who judge others, then feel free the leave this blog!!!!
This past Thursday was hook up day. But let's back track a minute here. So in order for me to get H.E.M. (home electric monitoring) also known as house arrest, started I had to get a land line. Eh, not too terribly, luckily it comes with the cable bundle!!! Now to buy a phone. Shouldn't be hard, right??!
WRONG!!!!!! Buying a phone was the worst part!!!!! We bought one plugged it in but of course my luck I couldn't hear the damn thing ring. Off to the store we go AGAIN!!! Finally found one that lights up when it rings and is loud enough for me to hear! Back to where I was.....Thursday my PO (probation officer) came to the house and began the routine. Piss test, all the while she was in the bathroom with me. AWKWARD!!!! I asked if she had to be in there with me and she of course said yes. "C'mon, this shouldn't be award for you, you live with a female!" **side note, as you can see from the title of my domain....I'm a lesbian, married actually.** Boy did that make things uncomfortable even more. Yes, I live with a woman, who happens to be my wife...nevertheless peeing in front of a stranger with them staring at you, lesbian or not, female roommate or not, is HIGHLY uncomfortable. So I comply and pee in the tiny cup. Hand it to her and move on. Then she proceeds to put the anklet on which is the size of a half pack of smokes, but has some weight to it. after multiple adjustments, she gets it to where she feels comfortable that I'm not going to take the liberty of slipping out of it and 'escaping' house arrest. Then they hook up this monitor, which I thought would be rather small......nope the thing is bigger than my cable box.
So as all this is complete I am telling her my work schedule and providing proof of the times (its a set one) and the address to accompany. Plus I had to tell her when my Dr. appointments were so she would be able to put 'windows' into the computer. Windows are time frames that are approved times of travel for work and appointments. Anything after that your anklet sends a wonderful signal to the monitor that you are out of range and then there goes trouble. Which I probably should add, if I do not comply with the rules and such of house arrest, then my ass gets tossed into jail for the term of my probation. Which then comes the cost of being in jail as well as the cost of parole following release of jail ON TOP of the fines I currently have would just down right kill me. Yes, I know I brought this all on myself and I cannot complain about the fines I have because my actions got me them. All I am saying is going to jail would add more cost to pay later...I had no idea you had to pay for your incarceration. Yep, you do!
So today, I had to unplug everything (yes I cleared it with the PO first to make sure!) and put a larger surge protector in. My damn cable modem took so long to reboot I started freaking out because my damn anklet beeped twice. I starting panicking that the police were coming and that the longer it took for the modem to reboot the more trouble I would get in. Once the phone line was back on track I hurried up and called the voicemail of my PO to let her know what happened and why I was off line for a minute there. My heart was pounding.
I think that is all for tonight, after all....I have 9 months to get further into detail.
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